“That monotropic focus that autistic brains are so good at... I don't think it's just that we're good at it. I think that actually might be the natural state that our brains want to be in.” — Pete Wharmby
In the quiet sanctuary of his attic, surrounded by the comforting clutter of LEGO sets and vintage video games, Pete Wharmby prepares for his daily ritual.
Writing comes first. And it always has ever since he discovered the power of storytelling early on. "It was a weird moment when I realized I could make anything happen in this story,” he says. “I'm in control.”
After writing, Wharmby often turns to building with LEGOs, a passion sparked by his first set — a Shell petrol station with a little car and pickup truck. “I just remember building it and rebuilding it over and over again. And that spawned everything I’m now surrounded by,” he says, glancing at hundreds of LEGO sets around him — including favorites like the Ghostbusters Firehouse and the Millennium Falcon. “It’s been nearly 35 years of loving them.”
On a typical day, Wharmby might also dive into wormholes about the Titanic, a fascination he’s had since he was six years old. Then it’s time for some ‘90s video games (especially Sonic the Hedgehog and Super Mario Brothers). His day might also be capped off with paranormal stories and a little folklore too (“I guess I could blame Ghostbusters, to an extent,” he says with a laugh). Of course, there’s also music — he writes, plays guitar, and is a former lead singer of a rock band known for its energetic performances and heartfelt lyrics.
This is the life of one of the world’s most passionate people, whose autism fuels his deep and varied pursuits. For Wharmby, they are one and the same.
Wharmby was diagnosed with autism at 34 after a lifetime of wondering why he felt so out of sync with the rest of the world. Shortly after, he chose to leave his teaching career to advocate for autistic awareness and acceptance. He’s now known for his social media presence and books on autism.
“It’s been a big passion since I was diagnosed,” he says. “The first thing I noticed after diagnosis was the online community of autistic people who very helpfully were there to help me make sense of what it all meant to be diagnosed. But I did notice that the online community of autistic adults was struggling terribly with mental health, depression, anxiety, suicidality, unemployment… everything you can think of that’s kind of bad.
“The world is not built for autistic people in mind,” he adds. Wharmby describes the difference in communication between neurotypicals and autistic people as “not as much as if we are speaking different languages — but as if we were speaking different existences, way beyond just the world of words.” He has made it his mission to help others who have had a similar experience.
I too felt out of sync with the world and was diagnosed with autism around the same age he was. I wanted to talk to him not just because of our similar experiences, but also because I saw that he embodied a profound passion for life. This deep-seated enthusiasm is why I thought Wharmby would be the perfect feature for On Fire. Despite the many challenges associated with autism, one trait stands out universally among us: our intense passion.
In fact, Wharmby teaches that when we immerse ourselves in our passions, often called special interests or hyperfixations, it’s as if the fog of daily confusion — navigating social cues, managing sensory overload, and other difficulties — finally lifts. We can transform from feeling shy and awkward to becoming focused, engaged, and articulate. Our passions are not mere hobbies; they are our lifelines, essential to well-being and self-expression.
Wharmby captures this beautifully: “It is in our Special Interests and time spent in a monotropic frame of mind where we can be ourselves without having to worry about looking or acting odd and getting mocked for our voices, gaits or eccentricities,” he writes. “In some cases, our interests are the closest we get to friends; in other cases, they are the closest we get to holidays. In still more, they are the closest we get to peace.”
Maybe I’m biased and view the world through rose-colored glasses, but I believe everyone can learn from autistic individuals and our passionate approach to the things that make us feel most alive. This is why I wanted to have Wharmby as my second “zoom out” On Fire profile… where instead of telling the story of one person and their passion, I interview an expert on what it means to live passionately.
Here are three of my favorite tips from him on living passionately.
1. There are Two Types of Passions…
The Long-Term Ones…
Passion has been a constant in Wharmby’s life. Since he was a kid, he had countless deep interests: from his early interests of books, ghost stories, and war games to his most recent interest in helping the autistic community.
“I’ve always had two types of interests that I think a lot of autistic people have, and probably a lot of non-autistic people, too,” he says. “You’ve got those permanent ones — the forever ones.”
These are the long-term interests that often start in childhood and never go away. These often show up as greater themes in our lives — like writing has for Wharmby (and has for me, too).
Long-term passions often operate as anchors, giving us a sense of stability and purpose. They can also serve as a lens through which we view and interpret the world. These interests are not just hobbies but become deeply embedded in how we think, process information, and interact with others. Embracing them as adults can also help us find communities of like-minded people — helping us to make friends and feel less alone.
And the Short-Term Ones.
Then, there are the short-term passions. The ones that for whatever reason, don’t stick.
“Then you’ve got those interests that kind of flare up and die away again,” he says. “You know, more short-lived interests. Often, they flare up and they’re really intense… and then they just vanish one day without you even realizing why.”
For Wharmby, these short-term interests are often in the form of historical periods, like late 17th century UK history. He becomes deeply interested in them for a few weeks or months — or was the case when he was a touring musician — several years before losing interest.
“My brain just decides right, that’s enough of that,” he says. “Let’s move on.”
I can remember countless short-term passions like this in my own life. From an interest in guitar in middle school to an obsession with handstands in my late twenties, to learning everything possible about nutrition, copywriting, and kettlebells, sometimes passions just don’t stick forever.
Both types of passions, whether long-term or fleeting, play crucial roles in our lives. The long-term passions provide a steady source of joy and foundation for our identities, as seen in Wharmby’s lifelong dedication to writing and advocacy. Meanwhile, short-term passions inject moments of intense fascination and learning into our lives, offering fresh perspectives and novelty, even if they don’t last (or, as Ross Hatton suggested, if we consciously decide to move on from them).
Recognizing the value in both fleeting and enduring interests helps us appreciate the diverse ways our passions shape our lives, allowing us to embrace each type for what it truly offers: key pathways to living passionately.
2. Trying to be “Cool” is the Antithesis of Being Passionate.
Wharmby’s many passions like LEGOs, ghost stories, Titanic trivia, and others add immense joy to his life. But like so many people, he briefly abandoned many of these interests after childhood, worried about how geeky other people would think he was. It took him years to rediscover them.
“Often because they’re developed in childhood, they can be a little bit… embarrassing,” he says, describing lasting, deep interests like these. “We know as adults that we maybe shouldn’t like these things still, but we still do. So what do we do?”
“It’s a very common thing for autistic people to have interests to have childlike in nature and to feel a bit ashamed of them,” he adds.
But it’s not just autistic people who feel this way. So many people are told to grow up and act like adults when all they really want to do is nurture their inner child. Often, it takes years — sometimes decades — to remember the things we loved as kids and re-ignite our passion for them.
“No one is really growing up now,” I say to him. I think about my siblings’ generation, Gen X, so many of whom are still passionate about video games and other activities traditionally reserved for kids. And then there’s my own generation, the Millennials, who are rejecting so many of the traditional grownup roles — for good or for bad.
“If I think back to my grandad’s generation,” he nods in agreement, “the idea of still enjoying children’s stories would have been laughed out of town. But these days it’s more acceptable.”
Acceptable or not, one thing is true: people are happier when they lean into their passions, childlike or not. What would happen if we all just let go of our worries about what other people think (cue: Michael Gervais and his passion for FOMO), stopped trying to be ‘cool,’ and fully embraced what lights us up?
3. Embracing Monotropic Focus — Or Flow — is Key to Living Passionately.
Wharmby understands the immense value of his passions so much that he's structured his life to revolve around them. “A good 20 hours a week or so, I’m able to spend reading the things I want to read, playing games, playing music, and things like that,” he says. He even wrote an entire book about the things that make him feel most alive, aptly titled What I Want to Talk About.
Wharmby believes that the autistic brain is naturally predisposed to a state of monotropic focus — a tendency to concentrate intensely on a single interest. “I don’t think it’s just that we’re good at it,” he explains. “I think that actually might be the natural state that our brains want to be in.
“We’re always chasing that dragon,” he adds. “Because that’s the natural state we long to be in.”
This monotropic focus allows autistic people to immerse themselves deeply in their passions, often reaching levels of expertise and fulfillment that are highly rewarding. However, this intense focus is often viewed negatively in autistic people, labeled as obsessive or childish. In contrast, when non-autistic people exhibit the same kind of passion and focus, it’s often celebrated as a great character trait and a key to success. It also has another name: flow.
So what can we learn from this? The key takeaway is to embrace and harness this intense focus as a powerful tool for achieving flow and living a passionate life, regardless of neurotype. By organizing our lives around our passions and monotropic focus, we can create a sense of fulfillment and purpose.
Of course, this isn’t always easy to do. “The world as it is doesn’t really make that possible,” Wharmby points out. “We have to work, we have to do all the things we need to survive. So we don’t achieve it as often as we’d like to.” This resonates strongly in today’s to-do-list-focused world, where the constant demands of a typical 9-to-5 job and life's responsibilities fragment our focus and prevent sustained deep work.
To overcome this, we must intentionally align our lives more closely with our passions and structure our routines to support this alignment. Doing so not only helps us live more passionately but also sets the stage for entering flow states more regularly, amplifying both our productivity and personal fulfillment.
“It feels good because that’s how life is meant to feel,” Wharmby says.