The Passion Cycle

The Three Stages of Lasting Passion

Illustration by Mihajlo Stojanovic

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” — Rumi

What happens after the spark?

We talk a lot about discovering a passion — the moment you realize something lights you up.

But the spark is just the start. The real magic happens when you stick with it — when you let your passion grow, shift, and mature.

Over the past few years, I’ve become obsessed with figuring out not just what draws us to a passion in the first place — but how we keep it alive. Since then, I’ve interviewed more than 80 of the world’s most passionate people for On Fire — artists, athletes, entrepreneurs, musicians, scientists. I’ve devoured everything I could about the psychology of motivation. And I’ve tested it all in the laboratory of my own life.

One pattern stands out: Passion isn’t static. It evolves.

And the people who stay lit up for the long haul? They let it.

This pattern shows up across personalities, professions, and paths — whether or not you monetize your passion. In fact, it’s so common that I’ve come to see this as a kind of Passion Cycle — a pattern that repeats in different forms, but with surprisingly consistent stages.

Here’s what it looks like.

Stage 1: The Mastery Loop (Learning Becomes Obsession)

When I first started learning jiu-jitsu, I quickly became obsessed. I wanted to know all the nerdy details — the right angle to secure a triangle choke, the best way to escape side control, the difference between spider guard and collar sleeve. I trained twice a day most days, kept a journal about all I’d learned, and peppered my coach with endless questions.

Every tiny bit of progress made me just want to learn more.

My friend and psychologist Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman calls this the mastery loop: a self-reinforcing cycle where progress fuels motivation, and motivation fuels more progress. The more you learn, the more you want to keep going. And the deeper you go, the more meaningful it becomes.

I’ve seen this loop play out in others too — including my own parents. They picked up pickleball after retirement, mostly to stay active and meet people. But before long, it became more than that. Now they watch tutorial videos, take lessons, and practice their dink game in the driveway.

On a recent trip home, my dad told me all about his new killer serve, a big grin on his face. My mom smiled as she said her lessons were really paying off — her third shot drop was landing consistently (apparently one of the toughest shots in the game to master). Six years in, they’re just as lit up by the process of learning and improving as ever.

This stage is a little like falling in love — intense, energizing, and a little all-consuming. But it’s also the foundation of something deeper. It’s where the spark catches and begins a slow burn.

It’s the beginning of mastery — and as I’ve seen again and again in my research, mastery and passion are almost always intertwined.

Not because mastery is the end goal — but because learning itself is the fuel.

Stage 2: From Practice to Proof (You Test Yourself)

At a certain point, it’s not enough to keep your passion to yourself. You want to see where you stand. You want feedback, progress, proof. Sometimes you want to be seen.

In psychology, this is understood as a natural progression: once we develop a sense of competence, we’re often driven to express it. The passion that once felt inward starts leaning outward — toward performance, visibility, challenge, or recognition.

For some, that might mean sending a short story you wrote to a friend. For others, it’s posting a skill you’ve been working on to Instagram. Or setting a harder personal goal and sharing it.

In my case, this stage showed up as competition.

When I started jiu-jitsu, I knew I wasn’t just looking for something to dabble in. I wanted something I could take seriously — something I could measure progress in, train hard at, and eventually test for real.

I chose jiu-jitsu deliberately (I used an early version of this Passion Discovery Checklist). I wanted a complex sport that rewarded obsession. I knew my athletic background would help, and I loved the idea of competing — not just for the medals, but to see what I was made of.

For the first nine months, I immersed myself completely in the learning. Then I started competing — entering as many tournaments as I could. Since then, I’ve competed dozens of times. (Just last weekend, I won gold in my first competition as a purple belt!) I don’t compete to prove something to others. I do it because the challenge deepens my love for the sport.

It looks different for everyone. But in most long-term passions, this desire to test ourselves — to see how far we’ve come — eventually shows up.

It isn’t about ego (though it can be). It’s about growth.

It’s about stepping into challenge and saying: let’s see what I can do.

Stage 3: Share the Fire (You Pass it On)

I remember the first time I realized I had something to offer in jiu-jitsu. I’d spent what felt like forever feeling like a total beginner — confused, clumsy, constantly mixing up my left from right (which, it turns out, nearly 30% of people do too!). But one day, a newer student asked me a question, and I actually knew the answer. I could help. I could explain it clearly. And I wanted to.

I didn’t expect it to feel so meaningful. I had fallen in love with this sport, and now I had the chance to pass that love on.

That moment was the beginning of a new phase — one I hadn’t expected, but now recognize everywhere I look.

After you’ve poured yourself into learning and maybe even testing your passion in the world, something shifts.

You don’t just want to get better. You want to give it away.

Sometimes that means teaching. Sometimes mentoring. Sometimes it’s just pulling someone else in and saying: you’ve got to try this.

I’ve seen this again and again in my interviews. Rayron Gracie told me he feels like he’s making a bigger impact teaching jiu-jitsu than he ever did competing. Fingerstyle guitar legend Mary Flower said she finds equal joy in learning new riffs, performing, and teaching her students — like the stages are overlapping, not separate.

And that’s important: these stages don’t always unfold in perfect order. Sometimes they circle back, run in parallel, or collapse into each other completely. That’s part of what makes passion alive — it keeps shifting.

But for many people, this stage — sharing what you love — is the deepest version of passion.

Not because you’ve figured it all out. But because you can’t help but share the love.

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Passion doesn’t end with the spark. It shifts with time — and the stage you’re in.

First, there’s immersion: the mastery loop. Then comes testing: from practice to proof. Finally, contribution: sharing the fire.

If you’re in a lull, it doesn’t necessarily mean your passion is gone. It might just be changing.

Let it.

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