The In-Between
Sports Psychologist Alex Auerbach on Navigating the Lull in Between Passions
“Athletes often come to me during transitions because they’ve dedicated their lives to something, and suddenly, it’s over. That loss of identity is huge.” — Alex Auerbach
Passion is electric. It pulls us out of bed in the morning, gives our days purpose, and makes the grind feel meaningful. But what happens when the spark fades — or when life forces it to end?
A retirement. Injury. Burnout. Changing priorities. Losing a passion can feel like losing a part of yourself. It’s disorienting, like a breakup you didn’t see coming. Suddenly, life feels less colorful, less meaningful. You’re stuck in what I’ve come to think of as the lull — that unsettling space between letting go of an old passion and discovering a new one.
When this happens, it’s easy to feel embarrassed or even question your identity. Perhaps you’ve always been driven and optimistic, but now you’re struggling to find the energy you once had. Without a passion, you feel like a different person.
I’ve been there.
For years, my fitness app and community, 12 Minute Athlete, was my driving passion. I poured everything into it, only to wake up one day and feel… lost. Fitness no longer occupied all of my waking thoughts. The passion that once fueled me had dulled.
After stepping back to reevaluate my career, I’d stare at my to-do list with no idea what to do next. The drive that once defined me was gone, replaced by a sense of emptiness. It wasn’t just hard — it was terrifying. What happened to the person I used to be? Would I feel this way forever?
This in-between — that unsettling lull between letting go of an old passion and discovering a new one — can be profoundly disorienting. It’s easy to think that something’s wrong with you, but this stage is more common than most people realize. Passions rarely follow a straight line. More often, they ebb and flow, evolving with time and circumstance.
To better understand this time of in-between — and how to move through it — I sat down with Alex Auerbach, a sports psychologist who’s worked with some of the world’s top athletes, elite military units, Fortune 5 companies, and startups. He’s also the author of Called to Greatness: Your Personal Playbook for the Pursuit of Excellence and a key figure behind Momentum Labs, a performance psychology team helping young athletes reach their highest level.
I asked him about what I see as the four stages of passion: the initial spark of a passion, sustaining it, letting go, and reinvention. Specifically, I wanted to explore the lull between the last two — that time when we feel stuck and unsure if we’ll ever discover a sense of purpose again.
“Athletes often come to me during transitions because they’ve dedicated their lives to something, and suddenly, it’s over,” he says. “That loss of identity is huge.”
He explains that team sports, in particular, create a unique sense of shared passion and purpose. “I coached football at a Division I FCS school, and I’ll never forget what it felt like to win a game after working 100-hour weeks. That sense of alignment and shared purpose is so powerful.”
I can’t even imagine what it’s like to lose something so deeply tied to a community and collective identity. Most of my passions have been fairly solo activities: soloprenuership, circus training, writing, and most recently, martial arts. To suddenly feel untethered after such a strong connection would be incredibly hard.
But whether your passion is shared or solo — and whether you fell out of love with it over time or you were forced to let it go — the process is never easy. Auerbach says the first step to moving forward is to acknowledge the loss of what you’re leaving behind.
“I think the first thing I would try to do is get you to really put a bow on the past experience,” he says. “Allow yourself the space to grieve it properly without feeling like you need to just get through it or rush through it as quickly as possible.”
Letting go of an old passion can be bittersweet. It makes sense to treat it with care: celebrate the joy it brought you, reflect on the lessons you’ve learned, and then make space to move on. Only by fully processing the end of one chapter can you be open to starting a new one.
From there, Auerbach emphasizes the importance of exploration: “Can you discover something else that’s interesting to you? That gets you excited?”
Wide experimentation is key. Passion rarely develops overnight — it grows over time through curiosity and commitment. You might set a goal like trying one new activity a week for six weeks. Pick up a hobby you’ve always been curious about, join a new community, or revisit something you loved as a child.
Staying open to new experiences is crucial. You need to allow yourself to be a beginner, to step out of your comfort zone, to let go of the pressure to find “the one” right away. Passion often takes time to unfold.
“I think too often people expect themselves to get it right or to figure it out right away,” Auerbach says.
This stage is less about immediate answers and more about gathering data. Experiment freely and reflect on what excites you and what doesn’t. Pay attention to the things that spark even a little bit of joy or intrigue.
But at some point, the experimenting has to stop. You have to choose a path and commit to it. Like love, true passion takes time and focus to grow, so it’s essential to give yourself the chance to dive in and see where it leads.
Just because you’ve lost passion for something doesn’t mean you’ll never feel it again. You don’t have to stay in this transitional phase forever, but moving through it takes effort, curiosity, and the courage to embrace uncertainty.
Letting go of one passion can feel like an ending, but it can also be the start of something new. With time and openness, you can move past the lull and find something that makes you feel on fire again — perhaps in ways you never expected.
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