The Pain of Waking Up — and Why It’s Worth It

Dispatch #2 from the Human Aliveness Lab

Illustration by Mihajlo Stojanovic

This is part of an opening series of dispatches from the Human Aliveness Lab — short, personal reflections exploring what it really means to come alive in a world that often numbs us. If you’re new here, start with Why Aliveness Matters.

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Hi friends,

No one tells you this, but there’s a hidden cost to living a passion-driven life: anything less starts to feel unbearable.

I was lying in bed this morning feeling worn out — and honestly, a little discouraged. I’ve spent the last few years going all-in on the life I actually want: working on a book that’s currently being shopped around to publishers (send good vibes), building a movement around something that feels both deeply personal and urgently universal (don’t we all want to feel more alive?), and chasing my dream of becoming a world-class athlete.

I’ve poured myself into all of it. And I’ll be honest: it’s been quite a ride.

Some days, it all feels worth it. The moments of flow. The little wins. The occasional big ones. The increasingly frequent emails from people I admire saying, “This resonates.”

I’ve done things I never imagined back when I was still playing it safe: became a jiu-jitsu world champion. Started writing a book I’d actually want to read. Interviewed some of the most passionate people on the planet. Fell in love. And started a movement that might just matter.

The highs are real. But so are the lows.

And here’s what no one prepares you for: once you’ve chosen to really wake up — to care, to commit, to try — there’s no going back. You can’t un-feel what it’s like to be fully alive. You can’t unknow your own potential. And once you’ve touched that, the stakes feel impossibly high.

A day without momentum can feel like failure. A detour, a dry spell, or a “normal” job can feel like betrayal. Even rest can start to feel like falling behind.

When I was younger, I couldn’t understand why people wouldn’t chase their dreams. I even got a tattoo that says DREAM BIGGER on my arm (it still makes my day when someone notices it and tells me it woke them up a little).

But now I get it. If you don’t give your heart to something — or someone — it can’t break. You can’t be rejected. You can’t fall short.

The tradeoff is safety.

But the cost is aliveness.

I don’t regret choosing this path. Not even close. But some days — like today — I have to remind myself why I chose it.

I’m not writing this for sympathy. I’m writing it because I think some of you might feel it too — especially if you’ve recently let yourself want something again. The pain that comes with pursuing what you love is real. But so is the aliveness that pain points to.

I’m increasingly convinced that living a passionate, fully alive life means embracing the whole spectrum of the human experience — the intensity, the uncertainty, the joy, the heartbreak. The emotion. The connection. The meaning.

The ache of the low points isn’t a flaw. It’s evidence that you’re no longer sleepwalking.

In my own life, I’ve made a decision I can’t take back: I chose to care.
And even when it’s hard, I don’t want to go back to sleep.

If you’ve made that choice too — if you’re awake now — I hope you’ll keep going.

The dips don’t mean you’re lost. They just mean you’re still on the path.

See you out there.

With heart,

Krista

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